This week has had its ups and downs (as all weeks usually do) but I did have a 'hurrah' moment. I had the opportunity to go with my husband to Rapid City for a work thing. It was a great mini vacation for me that started with a wonderful shopping trip to the mall with his assistant while he went golfing. I usually do not enjoy shopping, in fact I avoid it as much as possible, especially when it comes to shopping for clothes. One of my best friends growing up and both of my sisters have always loved to go into a clothing store and try on countless outfits, whether or not they planned on buying anything. I have always thought this was a tedious process and would feel physically ill while waiting for others to try on clothes. This weekend was the first time I have ever gone into a mall and not instantly felt tense. We went into several stores and I tried on several clothes, didn't buy much, but I enjoyed every second. So what changed? At first I thought it was because it was because of the sizes I was able to try on but the more I think about it I honestly believe it's an increase in my self confidence. I know many people who enjoy shopping for clothes, maybe a little too much, that aren't necessarily at their ideal weight. The difference is that they see the new clothes and don't focus on all their body's flaws. Or if they do see their body's flaws they see how the clothes accentuate the positives. I have always struggled with looking in the mirror and seeing anything positive. My eyes immediately would pick out how my hips looked big or my gut was sticking out or how an outfit was too pretty for me to ever wear it. Silly, yes, but as I continue on this path to creating a new self, I am constantly looking in the mirror and telling the old me to "be quiet" and to find something I like in my reflection. Does it help that my body is getting slimmer and my muscles are becoming more defined, absolutely! I've been here before, however, and not felt that way. My senior year of high school I became thin in a very unhealthy manner (I'll post a blog about that some other time) and I would STILL look in the mirror and only see my flaws. I fit into all kinds of cute clothes but still focused on only the negatives. I feel like I have made a HUGE step in self healing after a weekend of fantastic shopping.
This weekend I was also able to go on a run and a hike. The hike was up Cowboy Hill and was fabulous. The old me would a) never have gone and done this on my own or b) not venture onto the "expert only" trails. You know what? I LOVED it and had such a great adventure on my own, what a wonderful way to combine physical activity and nature! It was so awesome to see how I have made my body into a machine, a hike that is supposed to be for experts... no problem! I can't wait to try another one and push myself even further!
The coming week awaits with numerous new challenges including getting my kids back into a routine, starting part time back at daycare, organizing my classroom and preparing for the coming new year. I KNOW I can do this while staying on track with fitness and nutrition. Mind over matter... I have worked so hard on this process there's not stopping me now!
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Picture from my hike in Rapid City
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