I Love Cycling and Other Confessions

I'm pretty proud of myself for this past week. I was able to track about 80% of the week's food. My goal this week will be 90%. I also listened to my body and decided to switch from running a half marathon to a 10K this past Saturday. It went really well, I ran it in 1:00:17 and was elated to see my mom, husband and kids cheering for me at the finish line! I was VERY proud of my husband, James, who ran the half marathon in 1:54:17. Being healthy role models for our kids is the best feeling!

James finishing his half marathon, boys in toe.

Me finishing my 10K

Family photo after the run (Natalie would rather eat Watermelon than pose)

This week I also went to Weight Watchers for the first time in over a month and faced the scale, all 8 pounds gained. It was very defeating but I know, as stated last week, that I have been struggling with being honest with myself. I have been doing well with working out and need to focus all my energy on nutrition. I am thinking about doing a 3 day detox program to rid myself of all the garbage I've been consuming and to recharge my batteries before the school year begins. I really would like to have the will power to eliminate a couple items from my diet that I know are holding me back and, in the perfect world, a detox would do just that. I am not, however, completely naive in thinking that there is a magic bullet in this weight loss journey. As many know, I have already tried most of the magic bullets: Jenny Craig, Nutrisytem and numerous programs that you see on late night T.V. This time I have had support from Weight Watchers which has helped me to look at food in a different way and not simply supplied me with pre-measured meals leaving me completely helpless when on my own. I have worked WAY too hard to give into a quick fix but would also like to see if a jump start may get me over this hump!?

On to more positive things, I LOVE bicycling and after 4 years I finally have a bike again and since I don't have any races coming up, I am able to devote some time to being on my bike! When James and I lived in Fargo/Moorhead I biked EVERYWHERE. 1) I didn't have my own car. 2) Other than in winter, the F-M area is very biker friendly. Pierre has many trails and I'm excited to ride on all of them and, being a smaller town, I can bike almost anywhere. I want to pass that passion down to my kids and hope we can go on many family bike rides in the future!

I don't usually say this but I'm excited that tomorrow is Monday and can't wait to conquer this week!

Honesty

It all comes down to being honest with myself.

After trying to push myself a little hard to get back on track after vacation, I hurt my IT band. Note to self: Don't attend spin class on Friday afternoon, Chisel Saturday morning and then try to run 13 miles. On the positive side, I "got" to go to the doctor and was forced to take a few days off from working out as well as called skinny & fit by the doctor. The downside was trying to stick to a more strict diet to counter the resting days. It was pretty much impossible with a visiting friend and too many late nights of chatting, eating, and drinking. (I still love you Sarah).

This week my goal is honesty. I haven't been honest with myself and my diet. I know I can workout but my self control around food is out of hand. I will write down and measure EVERYTHING that goes into my mouth! I will use my online weight watchers AND myfitnesspal to help me keep track of calories and points! I will go to the Tuesday WW meeting since I have avoided facing a close to ten pound jump since the last weigh in, yes nearly ten pounds have found their way back onto my body. I know that there are some hormonal things going on in my body that may have some play in the weight gain but, I have to be honest with myself, I'm not truthfully recording my food.

I know that this week is going to be a bit more stressful, I need to get a lot of work done in the classroom, family pictures and running to prepare for the half marathon on Saturday. I just have to remind myself that I CAN do this, I can maintain self control despite an increase in life stress. I love all aspects of my life; job, family, friends and am working on 'self. I can't hide from my problems and will face them all head on with new enthusiasm. I am grateful for the opportunities I will face allowing me to grow as a person (spiritually & emotionally, not physically, I hope).  ;)

** Update** I forgot to add that I was also blessed enough to be added to a group of great women trying to lose weight and hold each other accountable. Now I'm also asked to share my daily food journal, exercise and gratitude with this group! Below I have a pictures that I shared today of what I ate (the good and bad) and a picture of me planking with two of my kiddos.

What am I in this for?

I have started to read "The Start Here Diet," by Tosca Reno, in an effort to try to revise my eating habits more. I have barely cracked the cover and she's already having me dig deep and ask myself tough questions. I came to the realization that I am holding onto A LOT of things from my past that are not allowing me to move forward. It's difficult to make the changes necessary to forge a new lifestyle path when you keep looking back. I 100% believe that it's important to learn from the past as to not make the same mistakes and learn from what you and others have done. I now also know that holding onto that anger, hate, doubt can be a huge detriment to your future. I look at some of the things that have happened in my past, whether it be how others have treated me, I have treated others, or choices I made and I allow those things to weigh me down on a daily basis. Forgiving myself and forgiving others is a necessity. It is not up to me to hold that anger in my heart!

It's truly amazing how journaling through my past and all my emotions, realizing that holding onto these dark feelings serve me no positive purpose. I believed that holding onto these feelings created a protective barrier around myself, making it less likely to be hurt again. I picked the easier way out of situations; if people could be avoided, I'd do it, if changes to my daily routine were impeding, I'd do what I could to bypass it, etc. I brushed everything off that had the potential of helping me, using my husband or children as an excuse. I can't do that because that would make it more difficult for them. In turn, I began to resent them despite it being my own decision to evade personal growth. This awareness of my own self destruction created an "Ah ha" moment.

This realization leads me to my main question, what am I doing this for? Part of me has always had the vain goal of looking good and getting positive feedback from others. Would that still be nice, ABSOLUTELY, but I want no I need more. I am eating healthier and working out to create a strong, healthier me. Do I want to be a role model for my kids? Of course, but I need to know that this transformation is to break through all the mental and physical barriers that I have self imposed. I want to be able to look in the mirror and say "I did this! I did it the right way, no short cuts. I pushed through my own self doubt and self hated and PROVED to myself that I am capable of working hard, staying motivated, loving myself enough to do something for me, despite the time commitment away from my family. The long term benefits of increased self esteem and overall health of my family cannot be matched. God gave me this wonderful body and I want to know that I did everything I could to take care of it the best way I could!

Through building body strength, I will find mental strength. Through shedding unwanted weight, I will shed my barriers. Maybe it's selfish, but if taking care of myself makes me a happier, more loving, giving wife, mom, sister, aunt, daughter, teacher... then I chose to be selfish!

Reset from Vacation Hangover

Today I am suffering from vacation "hangover". I had a fabulous time on vacation and stayed as active as much as I could but definitely did NOT do well on the nutrition front. On our long drive home I made the decision to do a mind & body reset. I'm going to do my own version of a detox involving LOTS of water, fruit, veggies, protein. I am also debating about attempting a sugar detox/ beginning a paleo diet and lifestyle. I have successfully given up pop but after our trip and doing a lot of reading on the road, I realized that I need to step it up, challenge myself, and create a healthier body!

I have a couple more 5Ks this summer as well as the half marathon at the end of the month. I plan to spend the rest of the week signing up to participate in other runs and events throughout the fall to make sure that goals are constantly in place. I haven't been able to attend classes while on vacation so I will also be pushing myself to attend at least four classes each week at the Y. I have a squat challenge I found online and am looking for another abs & arms challenge. I have increased my fitbit step challenge from 10,000 steps daily to 15,000 steps daily in hopes that would also motivate. I'm exhausted just typing this but hope that publishing some of my goals will hold me accountable.

As far as nutrition, besides attempting a new type of diet, I have filled my fridge with fruits, veggies and eggs. I restarted recording everything on myfitnesspal and weight watchers. I hope the double accountability and loading up on water will help me to shed my unwanted vacation pounds and put me back on course with my goals. I know that today is a new day and being home means having a routine. I love routines, being home, and having my accountability friends back in the same zip code. If anyone has any other suggestions that will help me to refocus/ reset (or perhaps someone else) PLEASE leave a comment!