The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The Good

The countdown to the end of another school year is in sight. I'm very blessed to have had a great year surrounded by great coworkers and students! I love what I do, but I am ready for a brain break and some time to take some professional development courses. My students, despite having senioritis, took the time (with help from the school counselor) to create a binder filled with all the things they loved about this year. It was such a nice gesture, lifted some of the stress, and reminded me to be grateful for all God has given me! 

I also feel that my boys are finally adjusting to our move to Sioux Falls. I don't have to beg them on Mondays to go to school, I haven't heard them say they hate school in awhile, I see them playing with groups of friends during recess times, and chatting it up at baseball and cub scouts. It warms my heart and fills me with hope, as does finding out what's exactly wrong with my little Cooper and setting up a plan, including surgery, which will begin the healing process.

The Bad

Stress is my arch nemesis. Spring is always stressful in teaching for so many reasons. Testing usually happens in the spring months. Kids begin checking out as soon as it gets nice outside. We're all trying to fit in teaching with all the other end of the school year activities. This year I have the added "bonus" of still being in a transition mode, 6th grade graduation mass, 6th grade musical, and having an injury preventing me from my favorite exercising activities. I know this sounds crazy to most people I know, but I really miss hard core working out, whether it's boot camp, spin w/tabata, or chisel (weight lifting class). I love pushing myself mentally and physically and the feeling of accomplishment with physical exhaustion. I miss the self discipline and physical health I had not too long ago.

The Ugly

I've hit an extremely low point with my weight, and I don't mean that the pounds are low. Sadly, none of my clothes are fitting. I am constantly reminded of how much I've gained when I try to put on any of my clothes and when Timehop reminds me of how I looked last year and even the year before at this time. I desperately miss feeling fit.

The ugliest part for me was when I went to find a dress for our 6th graders graduation mass. I grabbed dress after dress and, when I looked in the changing room mirror, saw someone that I didn't recognize. A person that's not taking care of herself, lost ambition and self worth. It was a moment I will remember for it filled me with despair and left me heart broken.

Subsequent Course of Action

Over the last few months, I've tried many things to shake myself out of this alternate reality, where eating relieves stress and health takes a back seat. I'm trying to recreate the essence of optimism and the desire to give it 110% (and then some). I have tried to recreate things that have worked in the past but have truly lost all intrinsic motivation. I've made a motivational chart with different, non food related, rewards. I have created a visual with marbles and a glass jar to show pounds to lose and pounds lost. I have a gym membership. I feel as if my motivation is marooned to an island completely inaccessible.

I will push forward and look to internet sites, such as Master Motivation, to try to spark something. Creating a vision board is also in my plans. I will continue to pray for a speedy recovery with PT. I intend to push through/ get through all of these problems and to look at them as bump in the road, not a new journey of misery. It seems daunting, being in the midst of it all, but things will improve because they HAVE to improve!

More to come... after some needed sleep...

How to gain 8 pounds in 2 weeks with NO MAGIC PILL! ;)

Yep, it finally happened. I took a giant leap backward in my weight loss journey. I have not only seen the scale change but my pants are all getting tight.
Here are my helpful (insert sarcasm) hints in gaining back your weight:

1) Allow stress to consume your thoughts- morning, noon, and night... think about how many things you need to do and how little time you have to do them.
2) Remain negative- if someone gives you a complement, shrug it off and remember that you feel like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Make sure to not focus on the positive.

3) Eat EVERYTHING! If it looks good, eat it, if it doesn't look good, try it, if you think it will help with your stress, eat it.
4) STOP working out and teaching classes- make sure to become SOO busy (some of which can be accomplished by simply being a teacher at the end of the school year with children in cub scouts, soccer and baseball) that there is absolutely no way to work out or take care of yourself!
5) Be angry; at yourself, at others, both...
6) Isolate yourself; it's easier to mope by yourself, pity party for one?!

7) Don't record any of your food. It's easier to ignore the crazy amount of food you ate when you don't see the calories that go along with it.
8)When your pants get tight, switch to yoga and jogging pants... those things will fit for a LOT longer!
9) Reintroduce alcohol into your diet. It numbs your senses and allows you to eat more, guilt free!?!

I Love Cycling and Other Confessions

I'm pretty proud of myself for this past week. I was able to track about 80% of the week's food. My goal this week will be 90%. I also listened to my body and decided to switch from running a half marathon to a 10K this past Saturday. It went really well, I ran it in 1:00:17 and was elated to see my mom, husband and kids cheering for me at the finish line! I was VERY proud of my husband, James, who ran the half marathon in 1:54:17. Being healthy role models for our kids is the best feeling!

James finishing his half marathon, boys in toe.

Me finishing my 10K

Family photo after the run (Natalie would rather eat Watermelon than pose)

This week I also went to Weight Watchers for the first time in over a month and faced the scale, all 8 pounds gained. It was very defeating but I know, as stated last week, that I have been struggling with being honest with myself. I have been doing well with working out and need to focus all my energy on nutrition. I am thinking about doing a 3 day detox program to rid myself of all the garbage I've been consuming and to recharge my batteries before the school year begins. I really would like to have the will power to eliminate a couple items from my diet that I know are holding me back and, in the perfect world, a detox would do just that. I am not, however, completely naive in thinking that there is a magic bullet in this weight loss journey. As many know, I have already tried most of the magic bullets: Jenny Craig, Nutrisytem and numerous programs that you see on late night T.V. This time I have had support from Weight Watchers which has helped me to look at food in a different way and not simply supplied me with pre-measured meals leaving me completely helpless when on my own. I have worked WAY too hard to give into a quick fix but would also like to see if a jump start may get me over this hump!?

On to more positive things, I LOVE bicycling and after 4 years I finally have a bike again and since I don't have any races coming up, I am able to devote some time to being on my bike! When James and I lived in Fargo/Moorhead I biked EVERYWHERE. 1) I didn't have my own car. 2) Other than in winter, the F-M area is very biker friendly. Pierre has many trails and I'm excited to ride on all of them and, being a smaller town, I can bike almost anywhere. I want to pass that passion down to my kids and hope we can go on many family bike rides in the future!

I don't usually say this but I'm excited that tomorrow is Monday and can't wait to conquer this week!

Honesty

It all comes down to being honest with myself.

After trying to push myself a little hard to get back on track after vacation, I hurt my IT band. Note to self: Don't attend spin class on Friday afternoon, Chisel Saturday morning and then try to run 13 miles. On the positive side, I "got" to go to the doctor and was forced to take a few days off from working out as well as called skinny & fit by the doctor. The downside was trying to stick to a more strict diet to counter the resting days. It was pretty much impossible with a visiting friend and too many late nights of chatting, eating, and drinking. (I still love you Sarah).

This week my goal is honesty. I haven't been honest with myself and my diet. I know I can workout but my self control around food is out of hand. I will write down and measure EVERYTHING that goes into my mouth! I will use my online weight watchers AND myfitnesspal to help me keep track of calories and points! I will go to the Tuesday WW meeting since I have avoided facing a close to ten pound jump since the last weigh in, yes nearly ten pounds have found their way back onto my body. I know that there are some hormonal things going on in my body that may have some play in the weight gain but, I have to be honest with myself, I'm not truthfully recording my food.

I know that this week is going to be a bit more stressful, I need to get a lot of work done in the classroom, family pictures and running to prepare for the half marathon on Saturday. I just have to remind myself that I CAN do this, I can maintain self control despite an increase in life stress. I love all aspects of my life; job, family, friends and am working on 'self. I can't hide from my problems and will face them all head on with new enthusiasm. I am grateful for the opportunities I will face allowing me to grow as a person (spiritually & emotionally, not physically, I hope).  ;)

** Update** I forgot to add that I was also blessed enough to be added to a group of great women trying to lose weight and hold each other accountable. Now I'm also asked to share my daily food journal, exercise and gratitude with this group! Below I have a pictures that I shared today of what I ate (the good and bad) and a picture of me planking with two of my kiddos.