I woke up this morning and felt an energy that I haven't felt in a very long time. I can't explain it other than it's like a weight lifted and great clarity.
This week I did very well with exercise but still struggled with evening snacking. Actually, snacking doesn't even begin to describe most evenings... gluttony is a much better term for what occurs each evening when I return home. The stress of the day combined with running the kids around and realizing I still have house work and school work left to do. It makes the part of my brain that thinks reasonably shut down. It's almost like I feel I "earned" the extra food and that it will bring me a sense of calm that really never comes but is instead replaced with guilt and frustration. Each day is the same cycle of starting the day with good intentions, doing well at lunch, and slowly
After waking up this morning, I went to spin class. While riding, I had this moment that was a mix of joy, coherence, understanding and deja vu. I realized that I still had the same will power and determination that existed a little more than a year ago, it had been pushed back and covered with doubt, fear, stress, and self pity.
My mission this day forward is to find that former self, the one that knew she didn't have to rely on food for comfort. To find that person who woke up each morning ready to face the day head on. I know that person is still there. I will remind myself that I've done this before, I've said no to unnecessary food, worked my butt off everyday, denied myself food and beverages knowing they would only cause guilt later. I will no longer allow myself to be controlled by emotions, food, etc. It's time to make each day count!
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