The countdown to the end of another school year is in sight. I'm very blessed to have had a great year surrounded by great coworkers and students! I love what I do, but I am ready for a brain break and some time to take some professional development courses. My students, despite having senioritis, took the time (with help from the school counselor) to create a binder filled with all the things they loved about this year. It was such a nice gesture, lifted some of the stress, and reminded me to be grateful for all God has given me!
I also feel that my boys are finally adjusting to our move to Sioux Falls. I don't have to beg them on Mondays to go to school, I haven't heard them say they hate school in awhile, I see them playing with groups of friends during recess times, and chatting it up at baseball and cub scouts. It warms my heart and fills me with hope, as does finding out what's exactly wrong with my little Cooper and setting up a plan, including surgery, which will begin the healing process.
The Bad
Stress is my arch nemesis. Spring is always stressful in teaching for so many reasons. Testing usually happens in the spring months. Kids begin checking out as soon as it gets nice outside. We're all trying to fit in teaching with all the other end of the school year activities. This year I have the added "bonus" of still being in a transition mode, 6th grade graduation mass, 6th grade musical, and having an injury preventing me from my favorite exercising activities. I know this sounds crazy to most people I know, but I really miss hard core working out, whether it's boot camp, spin w/tabata, or chisel (weight lifting class). I love pushing myself mentally and physically and the feeling of accomplishment with physical exhaustion. I miss the self discipline and physical health I had not too long ago.
The Ugly
I've hit an extremely low point with my weight, and I don't mean that the pounds are low. Sadly, none of my clothes are fitting. I am constantly reminded of how much I've gained when I try to put on any of my clothes and when Timehop reminds me of how I looked last year and even the year before at this time. I desperately miss feeling fit.
The ugliest part for me was when I went to find a dress for our 6th graders graduation mass. I grabbed dress after dress and, when I looked in the changing room mirror, saw someone that I didn't recognize. A person that's not taking care of herself, lost ambition and self worth. It was a moment I will remember for it filled me with despair and left me heart broken.
Subsequent Course of Action
Over the last few months, I've tried many things to shake myself out of this alternate reality, where eating relieves stress and health takes a back seat. I'm trying to recreate the essence of optimism and the desire to give it 110% (and then some). I have tried to recreate things that have worked in the past but have truly lost all intrinsic motivation. I've made a motivational chart with different, non food related, rewards. I have created a visual with marbles and a glass jar to show pounds to lose and pounds lost. I have a gym membership. I feel as if my motivation is marooned to an island completely inaccessible.
I will push forward and look to internet sites, such as Master Motivation, to try to spark something. Creating a vision board is also in my plans. I will continue to pray for a speedy recovery with PT. I intend to push through/ get through all of these problems and to look at them as bump in the road, not a new journey of misery. It seems daunting, being in the midst of it all, but things will improve because they HAVE to improve!
More to come... after some needed sleep...
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