For the first time in forever

This week has had its ups and downs (as all weeks usually do) but I did have a 'hurrah' moment. I had the opportunity to go with my husband to Rapid City for a work thing. It was a great mini vacation for me that started with a wonderful shopping trip to the mall with his assistant while he went golfing. I usually do not enjoy shopping, in fact I avoid it as much as possible, especially when it comes to shopping for clothes. One of my best friends growing up and both of my sisters have always loved to go into a clothing store and try on countless outfits, whether or not they planned on buying anything. I have always thought this was a tedious process and would feel physically ill while waiting for others to try on clothes. This weekend was the first time I have ever gone into a mall and not instantly felt tense. We went into several stores and I tried on several clothes, didn't buy much, but I enjoyed every second. So what changed? At first I thought it was because it was because of the sizes I was able to try on but the more I think about it I honestly believe it's an increase in my self confidence. I know many people who enjoy shopping for clothes, maybe a little too much, that aren't necessarily at their ideal weight. The difference is that they see the new clothes and don't focus on all their body's flaws. Or if they do see their body's flaws they see how the clothes accentuate the positives. I have always struggled with looking in the mirror and seeing anything positive. My eyes immediately would pick out how my hips looked big or my gut was sticking out or how an outfit was too pretty for me to ever wear it. Silly, yes, but as I continue on this path to creating a new self, I am constantly looking in the mirror and telling the old me to "be quiet" and to find something I like in my reflection. Does it help that my body is getting slimmer and my muscles are becoming more defined, absolutely! I've been here before, however, and not felt that way. My senior year of high school I became thin in a very unhealthy manner (I'll post a blog about that some other time) and I would STILL look in the mirror and only see my flaws. I fit into all kinds of cute clothes but still focused on only the negatives. I feel like I have made a HUGE step in self healing after a weekend of fantastic shopping.

This weekend I was also able to go on a run and a hike. The hike was up Cowboy Hill and was fabulous. The old me would a) never have gone and done this on my own or b) not venture onto the "expert only" trails. You know what? I LOVED it and had such a great adventure on my own, what a wonderful way to combine physical activity and nature! It was so awesome to see how I have made my body into a machine, a hike that is supposed to be for experts... no problem! I can't wait to try another one and push myself even further!

The coming week awaits with numerous new challenges including getting my kids back into a routine, starting part time back at daycare, organizing my classroom and preparing for the coming new year. I KNOW I can do this while staying on track with fitness and nutrition. Mind over matter... I have worked so hard on this process there's not stopping me now!

Picture from my hike in Rapid City

I Love Cycling and Other Confessions

I'm pretty proud of myself for this past week. I was able to track about 80% of the week's food. My goal this week will be 90%. I also listened to my body and decided to switch from running a half marathon to a 10K this past Saturday. It went really well, I ran it in 1:00:17 and was elated to see my mom, husband and kids cheering for me at the finish line! I was VERY proud of my husband, James, who ran the half marathon in 1:54:17. Being healthy role models for our kids is the best feeling!

James finishing his half marathon, boys in toe.

Me finishing my 10K

Family photo after the run (Natalie would rather eat Watermelon than pose)

This week I also went to Weight Watchers for the first time in over a month and faced the scale, all 8 pounds gained. It was very defeating but I know, as stated last week, that I have been struggling with being honest with myself. I have been doing well with working out and need to focus all my energy on nutrition. I am thinking about doing a 3 day detox program to rid myself of all the garbage I've been consuming and to recharge my batteries before the school year begins. I really would like to have the will power to eliminate a couple items from my diet that I know are holding me back and, in the perfect world, a detox would do just that. I am not, however, completely naive in thinking that there is a magic bullet in this weight loss journey. As many know, I have already tried most of the magic bullets: Jenny Craig, Nutrisytem and numerous programs that you see on late night T.V. This time I have had support from Weight Watchers which has helped me to look at food in a different way and not simply supplied me with pre-measured meals leaving me completely helpless when on my own. I have worked WAY too hard to give into a quick fix but would also like to see if a jump start may get me over this hump!?

On to more positive things, I LOVE bicycling and after 4 years I finally have a bike again and since I don't have any races coming up, I am able to devote some time to being on my bike! When James and I lived in Fargo/Moorhead I biked EVERYWHERE. 1) I didn't have my own car. 2) Other than in winter, the F-M area is very biker friendly. Pierre has many trails and I'm excited to ride on all of them and, being a smaller town, I can bike almost anywhere. I want to pass that passion down to my kids and hope we can go on many family bike rides in the future!

I don't usually say this but I'm excited that tomorrow is Monday and can't wait to conquer this week!

Honesty

It all comes down to being honest with myself.

After trying to push myself a little hard to get back on track after vacation, I hurt my IT band. Note to self: Don't attend spin class on Friday afternoon, Chisel Saturday morning and then try to run 13 miles. On the positive side, I "got" to go to the doctor and was forced to take a few days off from working out as well as called skinny & fit by the doctor. The downside was trying to stick to a more strict diet to counter the resting days. It was pretty much impossible with a visiting friend and too many late nights of chatting, eating, and drinking. (I still love you Sarah).

This week my goal is honesty. I haven't been honest with myself and my diet. I know I can workout but my self control around food is out of hand. I will write down and measure EVERYTHING that goes into my mouth! I will use my online weight watchers AND myfitnesspal to help me keep track of calories and points! I will go to the Tuesday WW meeting since I have avoided facing a close to ten pound jump since the last weigh in, yes nearly ten pounds have found their way back onto my body. I know that there are some hormonal things going on in my body that may have some play in the weight gain but, I have to be honest with myself, I'm not truthfully recording my food.

I know that this week is going to be a bit more stressful, I need to get a lot of work done in the classroom, family pictures and running to prepare for the half marathon on Saturday. I just have to remind myself that I CAN do this, I can maintain self control despite an increase in life stress. I love all aspects of my life; job, family, friends and am working on 'self. I can't hide from my problems and will face them all head on with new enthusiasm. I am grateful for the opportunities I will face allowing me to grow as a person (spiritually & emotionally, not physically, I hope).  ;)

** Update** I forgot to add that I was also blessed enough to be added to a group of great women trying to lose weight and hold each other accountable. Now I'm also asked to share my daily food journal, exercise and gratitude with this group! Below I have a pictures that I shared today of what I ate (the good and bad) and a picture of me planking with two of my kiddos.

What am I in this for?

I have started to read "The Start Here Diet," by Tosca Reno, in an effort to try to revise my eating habits more. I have barely cracked the cover and she's already having me dig deep and ask myself tough questions. I came to the realization that I am holding onto A LOT of things from my past that are not allowing me to move forward. It's difficult to make the changes necessary to forge a new lifestyle path when you keep looking back. I 100% believe that it's important to learn from the past as to not make the same mistakes and learn from what you and others have done. I now also know that holding onto that anger, hate, doubt can be a huge detriment to your future. I look at some of the things that have happened in my past, whether it be how others have treated me, I have treated others, or choices I made and I allow those things to weigh me down on a daily basis. Forgiving myself and forgiving others is a necessity. It is not up to me to hold that anger in my heart!

It's truly amazing how journaling through my past and all my emotions, realizing that holding onto these dark feelings serve me no positive purpose. I believed that holding onto these feelings created a protective barrier around myself, making it less likely to be hurt again. I picked the easier way out of situations; if people could be avoided, I'd do it, if changes to my daily routine were impeding, I'd do what I could to bypass it, etc. I brushed everything off that had the potential of helping me, using my husband or children as an excuse. I can't do that because that would make it more difficult for them. In turn, I began to resent them despite it being my own decision to evade personal growth. This awareness of my own self destruction created an "Ah ha" moment.

This realization leads me to my main question, what am I doing this for? Part of me has always had the vain goal of looking good and getting positive feedback from others. Would that still be nice, ABSOLUTELY, but I want no I need more. I am eating healthier and working out to create a strong, healthier me. Do I want to be a role model for my kids? Of course, but I need to know that this transformation is to break through all the mental and physical barriers that I have self imposed. I want to be able to look in the mirror and say "I did this! I did it the right way, no short cuts. I pushed through my own self doubt and self hated and PROVED to myself that I am capable of working hard, staying motivated, loving myself enough to do something for me, despite the time commitment away from my family. The long term benefits of increased self esteem and overall health of my family cannot be matched. God gave me this wonderful body and I want to know that I did everything I could to take care of it the best way I could!

Through building body strength, I will find mental strength. Through shedding unwanted weight, I will shed my barriers. Maybe it's selfish, but if taking care of myself makes me a happier, more loving, giving wife, mom, sister, aunt, daughter, teacher... then I chose to be selfish!

Reset from Vacation Hangover

Today I am suffering from vacation "hangover". I had a fabulous time on vacation and stayed as active as much as I could but definitely did NOT do well on the nutrition front. On our long drive home I made the decision to do a mind & body reset. I'm going to do my own version of a detox involving LOTS of water, fruit, veggies, protein. I am also debating about attempting a sugar detox/ beginning a paleo diet and lifestyle. I have successfully given up pop but after our trip and doing a lot of reading on the road, I realized that I need to step it up, challenge myself, and create a healthier body!

I have a couple more 5Ks this summer as well as the half marathon at the end of the month. I plan to spend the rest of the week signing up to participate in other runs and events throughout the fall to make sure that goals are constantly in place. I haven't been able to attend classes while on vacation so I will also be pushing myself to attend at least four classes each week at the Y. I have a squat challenge I found online and am looking for another abs & arms challenge. I have increased my fitbit step challenge from 10,000 steps daily to 15,000 steps daily in hopes that would also motivate. I'm exhausted just typing this but hope that publishing some of my goals will hold me accountable.

As far as nutrition, besides attempting a new type of diet, I have filled my fridge with fruits, veggies and eggs. I restarted recording everything on myfitnesspal and weight watchers. I hope the double accountability and loading up on water will help me to shed my unwanted vacation pounds and put me back on course with my goals. I know that today is a new day and being home means having a routine. I love routines, being home, and having my accountability friends back in the same zip code. If anyone has any other suggestions that will help me to refocus/ reset (or perhaps someone else) PLEASE leave a comment!

Calories don't count of vacation, right?!?

I'm trying so hard to be good, I really am! It's extremely difficult to be active AND eat healthy when driving across the country, stuck in a car for countless hours, limited choices in healthy food options and numerous temptations at each destination.

I've learned many new tricks along this trip to travel as a healthier me. We have been fortunate to find a few grocery stores and load up on fruits, veggies and sandwich supplies. I've made sure to get out and walk around every time we stop. We've taken our kids to parks and played ball, tag, hide n seek, etc. as well as taking the stairs whenever possible. I have discovered the hotel fitness centers which are very hit and miss but anything is definitely better than nothing. Hotel pools have also been a great benefit. My boys love to swim and it's fun to race them and play games in the water while burning some extra calories, plus I'm not as self conscious about being in the water knowing it's great family and workout time! Having a YMCA membership has also proven helpful since it can be used at any YMCA and many of the towns we've visited have one (however class schedules haven't always worked out in the traveling schedule).

I think the most important thing that I've learned and appreciated from my new habits is finding out how much more enjoyable a destination is when you run, hike or walk through it. I'm not talking about the tourist destinations (although I greatly appreciated the trails through Niagara Falls Park) but the trails and paths they have for the residents who run and bike. I would have never thought to venture out onto my own until I had started running and now I am so grateful for the new experiences it has given me. I have found beautiful neighborhoods, meadows, parks and scenery that I would have never seen otherwise. It's so easy to bring along a pair of running shoes and go out to explore while burning off a few calories (just avoid the "sketchy" neighborhoods and try to stick to the trails and sidewalks)!

I haven't been able to make it to a Weight Watcher meeting this week, not because I haven't tried, but they all seem to be at times when we are on the road... hopefully sometime this week so I can check to see how bad the food damage is costing me! A reality weight check may be necessary so it's not so hard to say no to that extra seafood platter or dessert! Until then I'll keep focusing on how to stay active and fill up on all that water and produce... :)

I h

Milestones Met

"The best is yet to be." -Robert Browning

A little more than 6 months has passed since beginning this journey. I decided over Christmas break that I was done putting off beginning a healthy lifestyle. I joined Weight Watchers and have had wonderful success. In March, I rejoined the Y in order to become more physically fit. There have been many ups and downs (many of which have been written about here) but I am happy to say that I finally passed a big milestone! As of Saturday, I have officially lost 27 pounds, made it into my BMI range, and completed my first 10K.

It is truly an elating experience to witness what seemed to be near impossible goals materialize. I have been down similar roads before. The difference between my past experiences and my current situation is the amount of time and the process. Times past I would order meals or over regulate calories/ food groups and quickly watch as the scale drastically dropped. Most times I did not incorporate much fitness and never any type of weight lifting. I also would hit my goal and then slowly revert back to my old habits, with much naivety, thinking that my weight wouldn't return despite not making any permanent lifestyle changes.

This time is different for numerous reasons. Instead of buying special, expensive pre-made meals, I have been buying a lot of produce and incorporating healthier food into my family's cupboards, fridge and freezer. We have also made fitness a family endeavor, going on family walks, swims, bike rides, etc. The results have been great for not only me and the kids but also for my husband, James, who has lost 30 pounds since February. It makes a HUGE difference to have a support system in your own home and not feel like you're going it alone.

Speaking of going it alone, I also am fortunate to have many friends that encourage me to go running or working out with them. Knowing that someone is waiting for you doesn't allow you to opt out of a workout because you just don't feel like it! My awesome running friends have also peer pressured me into a half marathon and relay race not to mention the 10K I ran on Saturday. Networking and finding more friends that can help hold me accountable and vice versus has been a tremendous advantage in this journey.

The final piece to what I know will be long term success is the goals that I have made. I know that making it into my BMI range doesn't mean that I can revert to old ways of eating. I have another 5K in a week and a half marathon coming up. I also want to be comfortably in the middle of my BMI range to ensure that it would take a lot of "oopsie" days to climb back into the overweight zone. I also have bigger goals of doing a triathlon and the Mickelson bike race as well as the week long trek across SD. I would like to make my kitchen even healthier by eliminating processed foods, sugars, and artificial sweeteners. Am I going to do this all at once?!? No!! But I know that these kind of long term goals will help me to stay the course and keep me and my family living a healthier lifestyle.

The new me is VERY happy and excited! The old me would never have thought any of this was possible... which makes me think, what goals will be met in the next 6 months?

James and me last June (2013) and this past weekend before running the 10K