Insecurities

What day is it? I honestly couldn't tell you some days. It seems like I go from school meetings to soccer to dance to the gym and to home and repeat. I do love the routine that we are establishing but need to tackle the lingering insecurities that come with moving.

Being completely transported into a new environment should be old hat to me, however, when moving in South Dakota, you're bound to find someone that is connected to a friend or family member. It's really like one big city spread out over 77,184 square miles. When we've moved in the past, people would ask where we were from and then, inevitably, know someone from that area. Here, they ask where we moved from and then say something about how far away and cold it is there. No real connections (and I don't think they understand that we have summers that are just as hot as it is here)!

So how do I make that connection, that's the struggle. I've been in many gatherings for school, soccer and dance that are comprised of other parents similar in age. I haven't been able to break that barrier and introduce myself to anyone yet. I think it has me hiding a bit in my introvert shell. I have pushed boundaries a little by signing up for every PTO event and volunteer thing at the school. There's also this group called CityMoms in Indianapolis (and the suburbs) that is like a club for moms, and dads, that have get togethers, events, etc. and a support network. I'm contemplating joining but don't want to bite off more than I can chew.

It's also been difficult to find a connection with the local church. I love my Catholic faith but feel that they aren't the best at welcoming new parishioners, I should know as this will be the 6th Catholic church that I've become a member at. I have been blessed in our last two homes to have the school-church connection that has made for an easy, seemless transition. Again, no connections means that I have to push myself out of my comfortable hermit zone and reach out. They have a MOMS groups that I was very excited about, however the timing of the meetings conflicts with my kids school drop off... striking out left and right here.

I know that all of these things will work themselves out so I have to remain positive. I'm trying to take all the negativeness to the gym or on the trails and work it off there. Working out has been very helpful to me despite finding that they NEVER seem to have towels and their policy to sign up for spin bikes is a joke. Okay, I just went negative again. I have to work on that, maybe I need to find that yoga dvd I have somewhere?!

Positives: The scale has gone down 5 pounds since I last wrote! Slow and steady. Our house is finally being decluttered of boxes! Throwing more stuff out left and right. I survived my husband's first work trip since moving! I may have had an emotional outburst but I working on not being so needy. All in all, I'd say things are moving in a positive direction and am very grateful for the opportunities provided.

Life IS Good!

I apologize for the delay in writing. It's been a crazy month filled with daily chaos leading us to our new home in Indiana. Now that routines are being developed with school, work, soccer practice, etc. my mind is able to begin to sort things out. We have moved to a suburb of Indianapolis that is absolutely beautiful. I have discovered wonderful parks, trails, and a community center. I feel like I am finally able to get back into a normal workout routine and create healthy meals for my family and I. So far the kids seem to be adjusting okay and I am able to give them more attention without the added pressure/ focus of getting ready for another school year. I'm so truly grateful that my husband was promoted to this national position that allows me to focus on family.

There are a few other things that have helped me to start back on the healthy path. First of all, I decided to up my fitbit step goal to 12,000. I wanted to make sure that I had extra motivation to get up and moving each day! It definitely helps that our home is in the country and has a very large yard, plus the riding mower is broke... therefore more steps. The extra land has also helped with steps when the kids want to go explore.

I also joined a couple of great gals in snap chatting our meals and workouts to hold each other accountable. It has helped me A LOT this week! I made sure to stock up on all the staples last weekend before starting the challenge. Usually it's difficult when buying bulk produce because it goes bad so quickly, fortunately James and the kids are taking lunches to work/school which puts the produce to great use.

There are other decisions that I have made to ensure success. I chose the recreation center I joined because it offers a free nursery for the kids to go to while I work out. It also offers a variety of classes which I'm hoping will get me back into the shuffle of things and, eventually, back into teaching spin, step, etc. August looks to be off to a great start! I'll also be posting daily to hold myself accountable. Until tomorrow... God's blessings! <3

Change is Painful Growth

Life has a funny way of keeping me in a constant stage of chaos. I'll admit, as a child I thought that living in the same house that my dad grew up in was pretty cool and also a bit monotonous. It probably didn't help that I had to share a room with my two sisters until my senior year of high school. I constantly day dreamed of having a new house with my own bedroom. Well I believe that God has an interesting, albeit a bit twisted, sense of humor as I move once again.

My wonderful and talented husband was unexpectedly offered a position as the National Director of Fine and Performing Arts for the National Federation of High Schools. I am extremely proud. This job does mean, however, that we will moving to Indianapolis. This will mean living in the 5th community (3rd state) in the past decade. I guess if you wish for something hard enough, it eventually happens, even if it's years later.

Change is extremely difficult and it doesn't get any easier, but you do learn more things with each transition. I have figured out what things need to be in place as soon as possible (i.e. home, church, doctors, schools, pharmacy), what should be packed in what way, and what needs to be throw out or given away. Every community has its differences and Indianapolis will, by far, be the largest city we've lived in.

I know that the next few weeks are going to be quite the roller coaster of emotions. I also know that we will be fine, we will grow stronger from this experience. I am going to focus on positives and my list of things that need to get done. I will try my hardest to not let stress take over and ruin my health goals. The gym will be a destination to work up any pent up frustration and to work out clouded, cluttered thoughts.

The Have and Have Nots

THE HAVE(S):

* GOALS!

        In order to successfully do anything, it's important to have goals. Most things I've read suggest small goals, but not too many, that lead to a big goal. For me, this means setting weekly goals in different facets of my life. My summer weekly goals will be set on Sundays and may vary depending on what events or situations I know will be occurring during the upcoming week. 

        

        Today, I'm setting my goals for the next week and a half. I'm going to break them into a few different categories.

             1) Nutrition:  

                  a) Record EVERYTHING on myfitnesspal.com

                  b) Brush teeth when the kids do to prevent late night munchies

                  c) Begin Sugar Detox (see info graph below)

                  d) Rejoin Weight Watchers

             2) Health:

                  a) Go to bed at early enough time to get 8 hours of sleep

                  b) Go on a daily walk

                  c) Call Physical Therapist to set up more appointments

              3) Fitness:

                   a) Continue training for RASDAK (if support from PT)

                   b) Plan which classes work into the schedule and GO TO THEM!

* REWARDS!

         Not only are goals important but rewards for reaching set goals are a necessity to keep you on track! Rewards are not just for reaching weight loss/fitness goals, but other goals for work, organization, etc. are important too. Rewards do not need to cost money, should not always include food (especially if your ultimate goal is to lose weight), nor do they need to be complicated. I love the article on Spark People about 50 Non Food Rewards. 

          I have a few rewards already in place but I wanted a visual reward and motivator. I dug out my favorite outfits that I no longer fit into and have hung them in a place to create a visual reminder. My long term goal & reward is to wear these when school resumes. I CAN & WILL DO IT!

*FAITH and SUPPORT

         

        You can do all things through Christ. (Phil. 4:13)  No matter what you are struggling with or working on it is considerably more difficult without support and faith. I'm going to dedicate a whole entry to only this category because there are so many things that I could write a book (some have) about this topic. A quick synopsis, find friends with similar goals that you can rely on to cheer you on and push you when needed. I also encourage prayer and reading scripture as a source of strength, love, and encouragement.

THE HAVE NOTS:

*SUGAR!

      

         Hi, my name is Katie and I have a sugar addiction (as do most Americans). I have decided that the best time for me to break away from the addiction will be this upcoming Monday. It's like ripping off a band-aide and just needs to be done. I found two great sites that give sugar detox instructions:

 Break Your Sugar Addiction in 10 Days  and How to Detox from Sugar in 10 Days.  I don't plan on giving it up for good but I want to know that my will power muscle is still functioning. I also feel it's a good jumping point to get back into healthy eating. Prayers for my family and anyone that runs into over those 10 days, I might be a bear...

*EXCUSES and PITY PARTIES!

        Everyone has their own list of "reasons" they cannot workout. I hear them all the time, sometimes in my own head. I'm too busy. Children. I'm too tired. I don't like it. My ______ hurts so I can't.  The flip side is that if you don't make time, when you finally have the time, your body will be in such bad shape, you won't be able much of anything. I HATE that I can't do weight lifting and boot camp type workouts (seriously) but I know that doing nothing but pout won't help either. Walking, recumbent bike, swimming are all things that can be done without putting too much strain on the body. I also know that returning to physical therapy will also set me on the right track to eventually doing burpees again!

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The Good

The countdown to the end of another school year is in sight. I'm very blessed to have had a great year surrounded by great coworkers and students! I love what I do, but I am ready for a brain break and some time to take some professional development courses. My students, despite having senioritis, took the time (with help from the school counselor) to create a binder filled with all the things they loved about this year. It was such a nice gesture, lifted some of the stress, and reminded me to be grateful for all God has given me! 

I also feel that my boys are finally adjusting to our move to Sioux Falls. I don't have to beg them on Mondays to go to school, I haven't heard them say they hate school in awhile, I see them playing with groups of friends during recess times, and chatting it up at baseball and cub scouts. It warms my heart and fills me with hope, as does finding out what's exactly wrong with my little Cooper and setting up a plan, including surgery, which will begin the healing process.

The Bad

Stress is my arch nemesis. Spring is always stressful in teaching for so many reasons. Testing usually happens in the spring months. Kids begin checking out as soon as it gets nice outside. We're all trying to fit in teaching with all the other end of the school year activities. This year I have the added "bonus" of still being in a transition mode, 6th grade graduation mass, 6th grade musical, and having an injury preventing me from my favorite exercising activities. I know this sounds crazy to most people I know, but I really miss hard core working out, whether it's boot camp, spin w/tabata, or chisel (weight lifting class). I love pushing myself mentally and physically and the feeling of accomplishment with physical exhaustion. I miss the self discipline and physical health I had not too long ago.

The Ugly

I've hit an extremely low point with my weight, and I don't mean that the pounds are low. Sadly, none of my clothes are fitting. I am constantly reminded of how much I've gained when I try to put on any of my clothes and when Timehop reminds me of how I looked last year and even the year before at this time. I desperately miss feeling fit.

The ugliest part for me was when I went to find a dress for our 6th graders graduation mass. I grabbed dress after dress and, when I looked in the changing room mirror, saw someone that I didn't recognize. A person that's not taking care of herself, lost ambition and self worth. It was a moment I will remember for it filled me with despair and left me heart broken.

Subsequent Course of Action

Over the last few months, I've tried many things to shake myself out of this alternate reality, where eating relieves stress and health takes a back seat. I'm trying to recreate the essence of optimism and the desire to give it 110% (and then some). I have tried to recreate things that have worked in the past but have truly lost all intrinsic motivation. I've made a motivational chart with different, non food related, rewards. I have created a visual with marbles and a glass jar to show pounds to lose and pounds lost. I have a gym membership. I feel as if my motivation is marooned to an island completely inaccessible.

I will push forward and look to internet sites, such as Master Motivation, to try to spark something. Creating a vision board is also in my plans. I will continue to pray for a speedy recovery with PT. I intend to push through/ get through all of these problems and to look at them as bump in the road, not a new journey of misery. It seems daunting, being in the midst of it all, but things will improve because they HAVE to improve!

More to come... after some needed sleep...

Make Each Day Count

I woke up this morning and felt an energy that I haven't felt in a very long time. I can't explain it other than it's like a weight lifted and great clarity.

This week I did very well with exercise but still struggled with evening snacking. Actually, snacking doesn't even begin to describe most evenings... gluttony is a much better term for what occurs each evening when I return home. The stress of the day combined with running the kids around and realizing I still have house work and school work left to do. It makes the part of my brain that thinks reasonably shut down. It's almost like I feel I "earned" the extra food and that it will bring me a sense of calm that really never comes but is instead replaced with guilt and frustration. Each day is the same cycle of starting the day with good intentions, doing well at lunch, and slowly

After waking up this morning, I went to spin class. While riding, I had this moment that was a mix of joy, coherence, understanding and deja vu. I realized that I still had the same will power and determination that existed a little more than a year ago, it had been pushed back and covered with doubt, fear, stress, and self pity.

My mission this day forward is to find that former self, the one that knew she didn't have to rely on food for comfort. To find that person who woke up each morning ready to face the day head on. I know that person is still there. I will remind myself that I've done this before, I've said no to unnecessary food, worked my butt off everyday, denied myself food and beverages knowing they would only cause guilt later. I will no longer allow myself to be controlled by emotions, food, etc. It's time to make each day count!

Toddler Truths and Spring Cleaning

My little angel, Natalie, was giggling this morning as I scrambled out of bed (in my sports bra) to help her in the bathroom at 6 a.m. I wasn't too amused to be so abruptly woken up but then she had to add fuel to the fire by saying, "Mommy, your belly is fat," and giggling some more. Ugh... toddlers are so adorable, aren't they?

I guess I can be grateful that her blunt honesty got me motivated to head to the 90 minutes spin class I wanted to go to this morning. Too bad I got there only to find out it had been canceled! Well, I tried not to be too upset and decided that since I was up, it was a nice spring morning, and I was right next to Sertoma Park, I might as well go for a brisk walk. I also went for a ride later this afternoon, it was a bit of a challenge with very strong south wind gusts, but the ride back home was excellent!

I have taken a few steps this week, both forward and backward, as far as diet is concerned. I made the turkey bowls from a blog I found on pinterest (Best Dressed Babes Blog). I prepped 3 days worth of lunches and it actually was too much to eat in the short time we have to eat so I still have some left over. I also planned and prepped meals for the evenings to make life easier at home and packed healthier snacks for work. My achilles heal was snacks that others brought to the staff lounge, treats for students' birthdays, and snacking at home... and snacking A LOT!! It's like a mental hangup that I can't get past.

Goals I have this week include; prepping again for the week, disposing of the junk food from our cupboards, buying more produce for family snacking, and getting my spinning in during the week! I am also going to try to get to sleep earlier, aiming for 9:30, since our family's schedule is getting more hectic with baseball season beginning and my continued physical therapy appointments.

I'm going to take advantage of tomorrow by updating my measurements on myfitnesspal, taking a "before" picture, and create a vision board to inspire me! We did our spring cleaning last weekend to our garage, now to spring clean my attitude and goals!!

(c) http://ecomaids.ca/green-spring-cleaning-ideas-for-your-home/