*Disclaimer: I am very blessed and very happy. I have a great life and although this post has a lot of negativity, I know things could be worse and more difficult! I hope this allows others to view weight loss realistically. :)
My beautiful daughter woke me up early after a long day with a worsening cold and a long night. After getting her breakfast I read this article and it immediately struck a cord with me, (
The Other Side of Weight Loss No One Talks About).
Yes, I've lost close to 30 pounds, am close to my goal and reshaped my body, the results, however, are not all they're cracked up to be! For some sad reason I believed that once you got to that magic number/ size that things would be easier, happier and all around better. In truth, some things are easier, I can run up a flight of stairs without issue, pick my kids up and run around/ play with them and I know I'm modeling a healthy lifestyle. However there are many other things that haven't changed.
EVERYDAY IS A CHALLENGE. Is it easier to make healthy choices than it was when I first started? Definitely. Nevertheless, it continues to be a constant internal battle of will power. What will I eat for breakfast? Should I have one of the treats in the teacher's lounge? Is the creamer I'm adding to my coffee making me not make my goal? Should I be drinking more water? Is my period causing me to retain water? Is my cold causing me to retain water? How do I have fun when going out without wreaking havoc on my progress? Which workouts help me make the most progress? What makes me happy? Am I spending too much time working out and not enough time with the kids?
THE FEELING OF BEING UNDER A MICROSCOPE. I admit it, I put myself out there with this blog and with my facebook posts. I do it to keep myself accountable and, hopefully, push others to make positive changes. The other side of the coin, I feel like people are judging what I eat and don't eat. Many times giving me the look or making comments that I'm not eating enough. Sometimes creating peer pressure to eat more despite the fact that I AM doing this the healthy way and am taking care of my body. I do NOT starve myself and typically ration my calories and WW points knowing that I'll have/ need more in the evenings. I also do indulge every once in awhile and feel that others look on, feeling that they are witnessing the first stages of my inevitable failure and return to my former self.
LIFE DOES NOT GET EASIER. I really thought that if I could get my weight under control that other facets of my life would not feel so overwhelming or stressful. I thought I'd have more time and energy to devote to family and work. The truth is that this healthy lifestyle choice is a full time gig. Having made many healthy new habits, some things such as grabbing an apple instead of a candy bar when hungry has made life a little easier. Be that as it may, I still struggle to find time to create healthy meals weekday evenings instead of grabbing quick meals for the family. When it's time to go grocery shopping and your kids are screaming for something to eat and all you have is chicken nuggets or hot dogs, it's even more burdensome then it was in the past... you KNOW you shouldn't eat it but you know you won't survive a trip to the grocery store with hungry kids?! Work still hasn't become less stressful, I LOVE every second of teaching but the daily stress hasn't changed just because my body has changed. My kids haven't become less demanding nor does my husband magically travel less, I still have to deal with and solve these life challenges.
YOU DO NOT BECOME A SUPERMODEL. I have ALWAYS believed that once I hit a certain number I'd be able to wear anything, including a bikini. HA! I have come to the sad realism that I will NEVER love my hips and thighs. I can do a bazillion squats and lunges and I'm still going to be a pear shape, they may get smaller and cellulite may disappear but they're always going to be too big for skinny pants. I have also done an incredible job working on my abs, in truth, I have a six pack. The problem is that the bottom of my six pack is covered by loose skin from three pregnancies and I am trying to come to grip with the fact that this may never go away. I still look in the mirror and see an insecure woman. My goal (that I'm continually working on) is to be able to look in the mirror and to see all my hard work; muscle definition, inches of fat gone from everywhere, stretch marks as signs of partaking in the beautiful gift of creating life, the beautiful eyes God (and genetics) gave me, the strength and endurance I've acquired.... It's hard to move past the idea of having a magazine worthy after all the hard work I've put in!
DEPRESSION, ANGER, & FRUSTRATION. The article I cited (
The Other Side of Weight Loss No One Talks About) talks about a woman that lost 100 pounds and her struggle with depression. How she is constantly worried about gaining back the weight and how it's a struggle for her to be motivated to work out. I also battle depression and feel that it hasn't gotten better (as I'd hoped) with weight loss. I do believe that losing weight has made many things more enjoyable and easier to do, I think that the depression associated with being overweight has been replaced with fear of maintaining and the other items stated earlier. I find myself getting frustrated and angry with myself much more often because I am trying to make my goal and know that I can do it and should have made that goal a long time ago. I feel like a failure most mornings when I step on the scale. Some days it is a motivator to do better and some days it creates an entire day of negativity.
FRIENDS OR FOES. There are going to be people that encourage you one minute and then invite you over for cake and ice cream and give you a hard time when you try to decline. You will have friends and family that question your efforts and try to slow you. I have read many articles talking about how others want you to succeed but also want to experience the same success and if they aren't yet willing to change their lifestyle they will try to hinder your efforts (consciously or subconsciously). There will be others that will praise you and tell you that you look great as well as whisper about you and wonder if you're working out too much and starving yourself. You may even have to lose friends, if they are not being supportive and keep peer pressuring you to go out every weekend and maybe say, "You deserve to indulge," or "You need to loosen up," "This lifestyle isn't sustainable." You do not need those people countering your efforts (you have enough self double and negative talk in your own head, you don't need outside interference). Friends and family may also start to think that you are judging them (WHICH I AM NOT), I have tried to not offer ANY advise that is not asked for, it is meant to help but can be taken the wrong way quite quickly. I do think it is helpful to praise any efforts friends make in working toward a healthier self, it's just a fine line, many feel that I give false compliments in order to have them reciprocate... I know people who do do that, I am not. I complement because I know how encouraging those words can be in motivating continued healthy efforts.
WHAT NOW? I keep trucking, but realistically and honestly. I shared all this not to scare others off from making healthier choices and starting/continuing their journey to a better self. I share it so people aren't doing it with false ideals. You will not have a super model body when you make your goal. Other people may not react the way you had hoped. You will still have daily stress and challenges. I know that I need to work on my mental health (as I believe the woman in the other story does as well). I need to focus on the positives and my many blessings. I have to remind myself that my efforts are not in vain. With every challenge life presents me there is opportunity to grow, challenge myself, and become a better me. I need to seek support in overcoming my weaknesses, my negative self talk , depression and anxiety. I need to realize that, just as it took lots of time to transform my body it will also take time to readjust my way of thinking!
