Vocabulary Review

1. Slip up- makes a careless error.
2. Habit- a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.
3. Binge- a short period devoted to indulging in an activity to excess, especially drinking alcohol or eating.
4. Overeating- eating too much
5. Excuse- a reason or explanation put forward to defend or justify a fault or offence.

Well I feel like I am on a constant roller coaster of eating and (for obvious reasons) on a plateau for my weight. I was thinking about a way to have a "come to Jesus" self talk so I started listing words that I use too much and incorrectly. Slip up, I am constantly saying I am having a slip up when I come home in the evenings and over eat. The problem with my vocabulary usage is that this "slip up" is happening about 3 times a week every week and therefore is no longer a "slip up" but an actual habit. I am also not going to refer to it as overeating any more, it is a binge. I will go an entire day of eating very healthy, staying on track, lots of veggies and fruits and then I will enter my home and feel the weight of the days stress and try to bury them with snack foods and an overindulgent supper within a couple hours. I am not going to label my stress as an excuse, my stress is no greater than anyone else, in fact, it's much less than many of my friends and family. So how do I change?

I think that recognizing this pattern as a habit will help me to approach it in a new manner. I can no longer allow myself to indulge and use stress as an excuse. My life is good, I have a awesome job, love my family, friends, and everything that's happening is very positive. I love to workout, which most people wouldn't say and have a great way to burn off any built up stress. The first thing that comes to mind when I think about my days that I binge is that it usually happens on days when I haven't gotten enough sleep and when I am not working out in the evening.

My goal for the next month is to hit the hay by 10 p.m. every night and to either workout in the evening or to go on a walk to keep away from the kitchen! If I need to unwind at the end of the day and have no energy I will try calling a friend to chat, read a book to the kids, have a cup a tea and/or a glass of water, take the kids to the park or to the lake to feed the fish. I need to be more proactive about nipping this habit in the butt and getting back on track. I AM going to make my goal weight by my birthday, 5 weeks and I will be in the best shape at 32 years old!

I CAN DO THIS!

School Year + Exhaustion = No Will Power

This week has been wonderful, stressful, and all around crazy. The pros of school starting up are numerous. I love being back in the school with all of my coworkers and the wonderful kids. I enjoy sharing my passion for math and science and creating lessons that make learning exciting. I also greatly enjoy that the day zooms by and I barely have time to sit down let alone mindlessly eat... that is until about 6pm. The minute I get home I am a starvin' Marvin and ravage anything and everything. We currently have very little in our home so I have been binging on sunflower seeds, graham crackers, popcorn, and diet pop. I know, why am I drinking diet pop again?!? Arg... I have been drinking WAY more water and that has helped a great deal. 

So how did this happen? Change in routine, over exhaustion, brain/ thoughts going a hundred miles an hour, too many things to accomplish and not enough time to finish it all! I feel like I spend so much time at the school and yet there are others who are there even longer and then I feel conflicted. Is is bad that I leave once a week by 4pm so that I can go to my favorite workout class? I'm there more than 9 hours most days?!? I go in many Sunday evenings during the school year and bring things home to work on? I am also starting to worry about my graduate courses and how  I'm going to fit those in as well as take care of my family and myself. I really don't want to see all my hard work toward my health to go down the drain due to stress.

How can I manage it? My ideas for starting fresh next week are to schedule in my workouts and to always have a plan b. I also need to make sure to pre pack healthy snacks and lunches to keep at work so I don't come home famished! I need to also spend part of Sunday pre planning evening meals, maybe that will help me to avoid binging on foods that I don't need or want to eat. Or I could plan my workouts for the evenings when I have been vegging on the couch mindlessly munching away... but I'm so tired... I will have to force myself to go to bed earlier and whatever doesn't get done... doesn't get done.

Okay, now to head to bed and set my plan in motion. (YAWN).

The Sound of Hunger

Well I finished up my 3 Day Refresh through beach body. I discovered many pros and cons to the three day fast. I'll start with the cons; I was HUNGRY, VERY HUNGRY! The shakes and veggies would give me a short reprieve from my stomach pains but for the majority of the refresh, I was wanting a little more to eat. The calorie total for my three days was right around 1000 calories and 16 WW points. I drank about a gallon of water each day but still had a massive headache, most likely from the caffeine withdrawal. With that little fuel in my body it wasn't recommended to do any cardio which I understand. My issue was that I was already crabby from being SUPER hungry and my go-to for uplifting a bad mood is working out. So I did fit in a bike ride, walk, and aerobic class... very naughty, I know. I did listen to my body and took breaks when needed and filled back up with more water. I also had a horrific head fog, not good when working on getting my classroom ready in preparation for the beginning of the school year!

The pros of the Refresh; I realized how much more water I need to be drinking. I know I don't quite need a gallon of water every day but I do actually think that I need much more than 8 cups. I hadn't quite been getting 8 cups before the 3 days but now will be starting my day with a tall glass of cold water and bringing a lot of icy cold water to school with me every day. Another pro was the shakes, I had the chocolate shakeology shakes with a half a banana and the vanilla with strawberries added. I was very nervous about the shakes since others had told me they didn't like them. I really did like the flavor and the short boost of energy they provided. I don't think I'd use them as a meal replacement, maybe breakfast but not lunch or supper, but I would definitely use them for a post workout snack. I also discovered a great recipe for a cucumber salad (it was provided in the booklet for the Refresh). It was very delicious and I will be using it as a side dish in the near future! The last and most important benefit I received from doing this program was the self confidence I gained by completing the program. I resisted the ice cream that my family enjoyed (I went on a walk instead) and snack food that was left over at our house. Despite being a crabby bear, I did it without giving up!

The best part were the results, I lost 8 pounds and 4 inches in the past 3 days. I know, I know, it will most likely all come back very quickly. The good thing is that I drank A LOT of water so I didn't lose all water weight and, I'm hoping, that I can pull it together and refocus on my goals. With this mindset, understanding I may put some back on but knowing that I've cleared my body of bad things, I can move forward with a healthier mind and body. Would I recommend the Refresh? Right now I'd say it's worth a try if you're willing to give up three days of body and mind activity, knowing you will be hungry and crabby. Ask me again in about a week, once I can determine if the results "stick"!

It's the little things

I wouldn't call this week a win in the weight loss front but I wouldn't call it a loss either. I haven't really moved from that wonderful number on the scale but I have taken notice of other changes. I had to run to the grocery store a couple times this week to pick up a few impromptu items. As I was coming back from one of these excursions I got to thinking about how all I had gotten was the yogurt that I had needed, grapes and bananas. Five months ago, heck, even four months ago, if I had to run to grab a couple items from the grocery store, I would never have left without buying myself a candy bar and pop to enjoy on the trip home (before the kids would see it, of course).

I had surprised myself with my realization that I was taking better care of myself (and my family) without purposeful intention. It took absolutely no internal dialogue and/or will power to tell myself that I didn't need a chocolate treat. There IS hope! Permanent life style changes can happen, it just takes time and commitment!

Knowing that I can change helps me to move into my next phase, nutrition, specifically eliminating pop for the zillionth time as well as limiting alcohol, sugar, artificial sweeteners, and processed foods. I have also taken notice that I have developed a new, not so great habit. Most people make sure to eat less than they would in front of large groups and then binge in the privacy of their own homes. I, on the other hand, have recently developed the opposite problem. Apparently, my subconscious has justified eating double, sometimes triple what I would usually eat when I am in social situations. "Normal" people would be worried that they may appear to be glutinous but, for some reason, I've allowed social situations to be my excuse to let loose and to eat the way I used to in the privacy of my home. I have to retrain my thought process and need to do this to get over this slump and to finally reach my goal.

I look forward to the day when I am able to focus on maintenance and toning. I know that day is right around the corner as long as I don't lose focus. I must remember, slow progress is still progress!

For the first time in forever

This week has had its ups and downs (as all weeks usually do) but I did have a 'hurrah' moment. I had the opportunity to go with my husband to Rapid City for a work thing. It was a great mini vacation for me that started with a wonderful shopping trip to the mall with his assistant while he went golfing. I usually do not enjoy shopping, in fact I avoid it as much as possible, especially when it comes to shopping for clothes. One of my best friends growing up and both of my sisters have always loved to go into a clothing store and try on countless outfits, whether or not they planned on buying anything. I have always thought this was a tedious process and would feel physically ill while waiting for others to try on clothes. This weekend was the first time I have ever gone into a mall and not instantly felt tense. We went into several stores and I tried on several clothes, didn't buy much, but I enjoyed every second. So what changed? At first I thought it was because it was because of the sizes I was able to try on but the more I think about it I honestly believe it's an increase in my self confidence. I know many people who enjoy shopping for clothes, maybe a little too much, that aren't necessarily at their ideal weight. The difference is that they see the new clothes and don't focus on all their body's flaws. Or if they do see their body's flaws they see how the clothes accentuate the positives. I have always struggled with looking in the mirror and seeing anything positive. My eyes immediately would pick out how my hips looked big or my gut was sticking out or how an outfit was too pretty for me to ever wear it. Silly, yes, but as I continue on this path to creating a new self, I am constantly looking in the mirror and telling the old me to "be quiet" and to find something I like in my reflection. Does it help that my body is getting slimmer and my muscles are becoming more defined, absolutely! I've been here before, however, and not felt that way. My senior year of high school I became thin in a very unhealthy manner (I'll post a blog about that some other time) and I would STILL look in the mirror and only see my flaws. I fit into all kinds of cute clothes but still focused on only the negatives. I feel like I have made a HUGE step in self healing after a weekend of fantastic shopping.

This weekend I was also able to go on a run and a hike. The hike was up Cowboy Hill and was fabulous. The old me would a) never have gone and done this on my own or b) not venture onto the "expert only" trails. You know what? I LOVED it and had such a great adventure on my own, what a wonderful way to combine physical activity and nature! It was so awesome to see how I have made my body into a machine, a hike that is supposed to be for experts... no problem! I can't wait to try another one and push myself even further!

The coming week awaits with numerous new challenges including getting my kids back into a routine, starting part time back at daycare, organizing my classroom and preparing for the coming new year. I KNOW I can do this while staying on track with fitness and nutrition. Mind over matter... I have worked so hard on this process there's not stopping me now!

Picture from my hike in Rapid City